A crisis

I've been having a real crisis for a long time now.

Guess what? Mr. D came here to see me. I was absolutely terrified! I went to pick him up from the airport and gash... Did we have a good time? No, not really. i was feeling very uncomfortable with him and I refused to walk hand in hand with him in the city and we didn't meet any of my friends. But when it was just the two of us at my place, then it was fine and we had fun. We got into some serious chatting, and he told me big things, real secrets. Am very taken. But I cannot open up to him. In a way I love him but... am tired of dragging him along and not getting rid of him in my dirty little mind. I just can't let go. While he was here, we agreed we're not together but a few days after he called me like nothing ever happened telling how he missed me. I'm bad, it's wrong not to tell him that I think I'm better off alone.

We just had a crisis phone call on Friday. Why, oh why he always says the right things, the words I so desperately want to hear? It's so unfair.

We'll probably see each other before Christmas, I don't know if I want to. Seriously, I just have to find the courage to tell him how I feel...