Silly Blonde

The burning question of the day is that what the hell is this all about? Alarm bells are going off around the country and they are starting to reach my ears as well.

Dear Mr. D is a work-holist above all. Last eve he worked till 2 am. and still he came to the office at 7am. So, I haven't seen him after Monday night, which he spent at my place. Oh, I mean till 5.30am. After he had to drive to pick up his son to take him to the day care centre. Lovely, ha? And I didn't say a word. Well, just have to accept the things I cannot change. Honestly I didn't mind but yes, this has been a bit of a rude awakening. It's pretty clear that I can never be the ultimate nr. 1 to him and in the end, that's what all the women want, isn't it?

That night he also told me about his ex-girlfriend (yes, he had one AFTER his divorce back in February. Casanova?). She wanted too much? Wanted him to choose between her and his kids. He told me he can't be there every weekend, every day, more like every now and then. Sounds like a warning to me. "Don't ask too much from me" kinda thing. Should I be making some conclusions here?

So, we've eaten the lunch together at work, we've stolen minutes kissing in the stairs where nobody can see us. Is that normal? I'd like to spend more time with him as he is good company and his kisses feel so good. But, he has his fam and his work..so...He tells me how beautiful, wonderful and sweet I am. He says he's missing me. Is he sincere? Omg, someone please tell me what to do, what to think!? Run for my life?

Seriously, how stupid can a person be? How far I have to go to see what's the best for me?

Testimony

I wasn't totally honest in the last post.

The guy from work, let's say, Mr.D, has caused me a lot of headache. The team building day wasn't that simple either... I just mean that the people might have a reason to assume something as two guys came out of the nightclub and saw us hugging. (It wasn't just a hug really but...) Anyway, I was supposed to sleep that night at a friend's place who lives just nearby. When I phoned her, she didn't wake up and as a smart girl, I went with Mr. D to sleep in his hotel room. Nothing happened, really, but everybody's gonna believe me, right?

The next day, Mr. D called me and we met quickly. I was very very confused by myself, didn't know what I want and honestly I still don't know. I've spent some really nice time with him but he is not excatly the boyfriend of my dreams. Though we speak a lot, it is all so very physical and that's not enough for me. I need and want there to be a strong emotional connection. Otherwise there's nothing to me.

This Sunday, we went out... We planned the whole day together. He came to pick me up in the morning and we went to see these fantastic caves. They were very impressive. Am still astonished. Well, then the more interesting part. We lay down on the grass in one private "parc" (actually it was more of a forest) and just started kissing and stuff... Uuh, have to say Mr.D knew what he was doing. We didn't really have sex cause I said I think it's not a good idea. I wanted it but now am glad we didn't do it. After we went for a drink and then he took me home... And asked to come in. I said good night. That was the most difficult good night 've ever said. He is so great...but still, there's so many things frightrning me. If it was just about having fun, I'd give it a go but it is not so it is getting difficult.

He is coming to my place today... Am playing with fire and am gonna get burned.

Insanity

I'm back to my life. Been two weeks! Wohoo! Congratulations accepted.

Anyway, I already got myself into a trouble and this time this is really shitty. There's this guy at work... He is 10 years older than I am and has divorced in February. Plus he has two kids. We've had a lot of nice talks, serious stuff. On Friday we had our team building day, which was great, and in the after party he came to me and said he adores me...

Nice, isn't it? A lot of people here at work thinks there's something going on between us and honestly there is. But really, am I insane if I start something with a guy like that? It's only four months of his divorce! I like him, I do. But he is a foreign and will probably be gone in August... Everything says am crazy if I start a relationship but I just like him... and he is not even good looking!

OMG, what the hell am I going to do?
More about this later... Am going for drinks with him now.

In the middle of nowhere

Welcome to my world. Here I am, the bitter old spinster, back again. Am stuck in the middle of bloody nowhere with nothing to do but hang around with my mother who obviously has way more life to live than I do.

But the thing is...Am happy! Happy as hell! How depressing, isn't it? You know, I'll go back to my lovely life to London soon! How nice... O, how did I got my contract (read: my life) prolonged? I'd rather not talk about this. Am slightly ashamed, have to admit. No, you dirty minded people, I didn't do anything like THAT. Though my boss is an older man and very rich... I mean he would be the prototype to try for that kinda approach.

Well, I was very much in tears indeed in my last day at work but tried to be cool as I've been known to be a steely, cool, efficient businesswoman. And boy, how did I act. If a head hunter had seen me, I'd be in the Hollywood by now. So, I controlled myself beautifully...Until...My boss asked me to come to his office and asked if I had enjoyed my experiences in London. I admitted that very much so and bursted into tears... I know. He was worried if everything's OK.
'Yeah', I said, 'it's just me being pathetic.'
'Oh, don't cry anymore, please. So, you want to stay here? I'll call to the HR manager right away and get you a new contract.'
Yes, I accepted his pity. Who cares! I have a job and a better salary and my boss calls me his 'Le Petite' (He is French, just for the record). Who could ask for more...

I constantly have that stupid, happy smile on my face, which keeps on annoying everybody around me. But I don't bloody care! Life is wonderful! I even smiled to the bartender at the local bar... I need counseling.