"Conquering others requires force. Conquering one's self requires letting go"
-Tae Te Ching-

I learned an important lesson in the weekend. There is so much benefits in smoking weed. Before you think I'm doing something illegal, please note I was in Amsterdam. I went there and I was tired, sad, desperate. For one whole day I stopped thinking. I felt happy and enjoyed life. Of course now I'm sader, more tired and even more but at least being high gave me one happy day.

I'm knackered and still wondering what on earth am I going to do with my life? I can't afford to stay here if I do not have a job. I can't afford to stay the summer at my parents' place if I want to save my sanity. Now it seems to be the only option...and even my sister's not there. Yeah, I know I just propably have too much time to think but this drives me crazy. It makes me feel I want to throw up.

According to Tae Te Ching conquering one's self requires letting go. But if I let go now, who will I end up being?